Miserable Without You
by xChiorox
Summary: Cody is miserable without Gwen now that she isn't able to see him. But, after a small visit from his permanent home, he finds that there is a way in making her see him and finds that 'death do us part' doesn't always happen. GwenXCody Cody POV


**So after my first song fan fic with Last Christmas being a CodyXGwen thing, I decided to do another one XD this one… Just not being so happy… Sorry guys… It's another love song, but a little sadder.**

**The song… The Truth About Heaven by Armor For Sleep. Hope you all enjoy. Sorry the depressing things that ends up happening in the story… I just love this song so much that I had to do one and I believe that GwenXCody are so CUTE together. Lol.**

**BTW I suggest the song. It's good, but pretty heavy lyrics and more in a rock genre.**

**I was thinking long and hard and decided that I was going to make it in a Cody POV. Sorry, all you Cody fan girls, please don't be mad. Sorry if I end up making anyone cry.**

**Let it begin!**

**[Miserable Without You]**

I guess it goes to show you that absence show true feelings? Something like that. Sighing, I kept walking down the same street that I had always loved when I was younger. It helped me clear my mind when I was undergoing a huge amount of stress. Looking around, I felt like crying. I missed it all too much. I missed the cold air, the steps that my shoes would make when I would step on the concrete… the sweet scent of green when you would take a huge whiff of the air. Now it just seemed dead to me. It all seemed like a dream now that I was here, that it was never that nice place I would wonder to too clear my head. I stood a little longer, taking in everything before moving on. This wasn't my destination. No, mine was one of depression and death.

As some time of walking, I had approached a black fence that had huge lettering engraved in the bars that spelled out GRAVEYARD. Yep, here I was, at the graveyard. How eerie and depressing of me, right? Wrong. I was here to visit a grave, a grave that meant so much to me… one that I needed to see at least once more.

After some time of walking, I finally found it. The grave I was looking for. The tombstone wasn't tall as it stood over the mount of dirt that was covered in multiple flowers. Some letters of how much they missed the deceased person under there. This was getting too much for me, too unreal. I lost my balance as I fell onto the dirt, staring at the name on it. My eyes searched it clearly, hoping that maybe there was some mistake. Maybe… I was just dreaming. For the multiple time, I searched it again, taking in each letter, each word, each meaning;

**R.I.P**

**CODY EMMETT JAMES ANDERSON**

**LOVING SON AND FRIEND**

**WE WILL MISS HIM SO**

**MAY HE REST IN PEACE**

I continued to stare at the words, placing my hands on the stone, tracing each and every letter. It just didn't seem real. If I could cry, which I found that I couldn't, I would. I would ball my eyes out. There was so much time that I wasn't able to get. I wasn't able to live, to fully love without getting loved back. To grow up and have a family… to even have a family… to be with Gwen.

I was so devastated that I had actually started to wail out in despair, misery filling my voice as I screamed to the heavens that had damned me to be alone. Finally, I collapsed on my grave, biting my lip. My eyes felt weird. As I touched them, I realized that they were red. I should be crying, I could be crying, but I was all out of the tears. Once you die, you no longer have dears to shed, only misery and self pity.

Placing my hand down, I felt something. It was a rock, a sharp one. Under it was a piece of paper. This had gotten me confused as I lifted the paper and looked at it. Soon, opening the paper to see what was inside. When I had found out, I had the feeling of a heartbeat in my chest as I read each word slowly, letting it sink in.

_Cody, why did you have to leave? It's been so alone without you here. Everyone from Total Drama misses you. Your parents miss you. I had met them at your funeral. They seemed like nice people. I didn't talk much for they were grieving for their loss of their only child. I was crying too, we all were. Noah misses you a lot. You two were like the best of buds. Even Heather had nothing bad to say about you._

_Cody, I know you're probably not going to read this, but I need to tell you. It was wrong of me to always turn you away and never give you a chance. You have done so much for me and I thanked you in the worst of ways. I guess God has a sick humor, huh? I wish I could tell you how I feel, my new feelings for you. I miss you and I need you. Why did you have to go?_

_I guess there is no reason in asking for you to come back. I'm just going to miss you so much._

_I love you,_

_Gwen._

It was so shocking. I couldn't believe that this had happened. I left without having her. Not even once? And now that I was gone, she understood her feelings for me? Sighing, I sat there staring at the note. Finally, I whispered my answer.

"I… I just had to leave, I guess. There's no other explanation to it other than it was my time…" I choked on my words, wanting to desperately cry out.

Sighing, I stood up. I knew this wasn't the reason why I was back down. The reason being is that I needed to see Gwen. She was my everything and I was planning on sitting next to her once again, try to feel her soft skin. I needed to let her know that I wasn't alright, like she thought I was. I needed to tell her that without her, I was miserable. Without her, Heaven was nothing but a miserable place that rained with depression and sadness. She needed to know that I still loved her.

After some time, I found her house in the darkness of the night. The fog was so dense that it was getting harder and harder to see anything. I had reached her window soon after reaching the property and looked inside. She was sitting there at, what seemed like, the middle of the night doing nothing. Sighing, I closed my eyes and imagined her room. After opening them, I appeared inside. It was something that I used to think was cool. Now it was a burden. Once you're dead, your soul, spirit, wasn't physics based. It wasn't matter. It didn't work with the living's laws. It was… Free.

Now looking at her while inside her room, I sighed. I wish I could hold her, tell her everything was alright. She seemed depressed. I was hoping it wasn't cause of my death, even though something told me it was. I just stared at her with sorrow filled eyes. She was so depressed and yet, so beautiful. I just wish I could comfort her in any way I could. Looking at my hand, I noticed that I had never given up the paper from her. This put a sad, small smile on my face as I walked over to her, unnoticeable, and placed the letter on her lap.

The moment it had touched her living, breathing life, it was seeable to the living. She looked at it and opened the paper, figuring out that it was from her written to me. She sighed, not even wondering how it had gotten there before she broke down crying.

"Why did you have to go? Why did you have to leave? Cody…" She sobbed out to no one in particular.

This made me breath. She had said my name and I closed my eyes before letting the feeling sink in. It made everything in me feel like new and I didn't know whether to hate or love it. Biting my lip, I felt it. Tears. Tears were pouring from my eyes. All the tears that I wasn't able to produce earlier came out as they poured.

"I… I just had to leave… It was my time…" I sobbed out towards her

Gwen shot up from my words as she looked at me with tears leaking from her eyes as she stared right at me. I just looked back at her, confused and sobbing. "C… Cody?" She asked, stepping back. She had been slightly scared. Well, I guess I would be too if I saw a ghost. That's when it hit me. She could see me? She could see me! This was it; this was the time to tell her everything, to let it all out. To touch her skin once more, that beautiful skin that I missed so much.

"Gwen…" I spoke softly, hoping she would react, and she did. She shook slightly, staring at me with fear as she was trying to figure out why a dead person was walking and talking. "I… I'm here…"

"How? What happened?" She asked me dumbfounded.

I smiled, knowing that her fear was subsiding. "I… I don't know. I heard you say my name… I missed your voice and longed to hear it once again. I… Came down here to see you again… At least one last time…" I whispered softly with loving, yet sad, eyes.

Gwen looked at him "You came back down for me?" She asked, slightly touched and mostly sad. "Cody… What about heaven? What about eternity of bliss and happiness?" She asked me the question. Sighing, I thought about how to answer it.

"Yes, I came back down here to see you. But that's not also why I'm here. Heaven isn't happy or blissful… It just rains in misery; constantly raining with sorrow and misery. I wanted to find you so bad to let you know that I would always be miserable without you. That I still love you even though I have passed." I said with sadness, looking at my love.

Gwen nodded and sighed. She picked up a bottle of pills and popped the lid off when I realized what she was doing. "Gwen! Don't, you can't do this! This isn't what I meant when I said I missed you!" I was starting to shake. I was devastated that she would want to kill herself, but, also, touched that she would want to do it for me.

Gwen started to cry again. "But, what's the point in living if you can't be with the one you love? I miss you, Cody. I had just realized that I love you. Now, I have to lose you again? Why?" She was sobbing by now.

I went to her, holding her in my arms. It was a feeling like no other, feeling her for the first time in, what seemed to be like, ages. "Gwen. Suicide isn't the answer. It would never be the answer. I love you too much. Trust me; it's not better when you leave everything behind. Remember everyone at my funeral? Everything was so sad and depressing. I had came out here to tell you how much I loved you and that I will always, not how much I want you to give up your life. I just needed to see you again…" I whispered, holding her face up so I could see her straight in the eyes. "Don't believe that the weather is perfect the day that you die," I whispered the last part out as I looked into her eyes.

She had just looked up at me with sad eyes, biting her lip. "Cody, I just miss you so much… I…" Before she could continue, I stopped her.

"Trust me; I'll be watching from afar, making sure that nothing happens. I'll be your guardian angel, ok?" I said, trying to reassure her in any way I could. "I'll even try to stop by when I get the chance."

Gwen nodded as she hugged me. "I miss you…"

"I miss you too, Gwen," I said, holding her close. Soon after, she pulled away, looking into my eyes.

"Just in case… You don't come back…" She whispered before leaning in, kissing me softly on the lips. I closed my eyes, wrapping my arms around her waist. It was so wonderful, actually telling her how I still felt and getting the kiss I had always dreamt of.

While I held her close, I felt something slip away. My body was starting to glow as I was growing more and more transparent. Breaking away the kiss, I rested my forehead against hers. "Remember; don't believe that the weather is better when you leave everyone behind. And, always remember that I love you." I said softly to my love.

"I love you too, Cody" Gwen whispered to me.

And with that, my body turned completely white before disappearing, letting my soul finally go to complete rest.

**There, I'm done. I like this song a lot and finally decided that I was going to make a fan fiction on it. Please R&R and tell me what you think about it. I think that I did well for a sad song.**

**Hope you all enjoyed it. And I hope I don't make anyone cry. Lol. Also, like I said earlier, the song is good. I recommend it to anyone who likes rock.**

**.com/watch?v=HQbtpDTji10 this is the video I would watch and listen the song too. Hope you all enjoy it.**

**Bye for now!**

**~Chi**


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